Welcome back to my ongoing series where I give advice to my former self. This week I’m speaking to me in my 40s. During this time, our family business was failing and our marriage was collapsing. Other than that, life at 40 was great.
My darling woman, you were so sure you had put the hardest years of your life far behind you yet here you are struggling with so many critical areas of your life. You are going to have to rely on all your lessons learned, lean on all your resources to get through this time. This is going to hurt. A lot.
Life at 40… It’s not all bad
The good news is, you’re going to make it through; not unscathed but you’ll be fine. These years are going to change who you are, how you look at the world and most importantly how you look at yourself. I’m sorry to say I can’t offer too much advice to help you through this, the upside of that is it’s because you already have everything you need to get through. You just have to believe in yourself. If I could suggest anything don’t be afraid to ask for help. You do reach out sometimes and that’s great but try to do it more often. These years are going to test you like none other and being able to connect with people who love and support you will make them just a little less painful.
Open up… it’s ok
Be honest with your feelings and talk about them. Not just with others but with yourself. More than anyone, with yourself. If you could just sit in what you’re going through, really feel it, it will help. I know that sounds like the craziest advice ever; why would anyone want to just sit and feel any more of such sad, heartbreaking emotions? Because when you do that, you allow yourself to recognize the pain, acknowledge its impact on you and then move through it to the other side. I wish I could tell you there’s a shortcut but trust me, if you don’t go THROUGH this now, you’ll have to go through it later and it doesn’t get any easier. You have to pay that emotional piper at some time and if it’s later, it costs more… more heartache, more struggles.
It’s like you’re wading through oatmeal… if you don’t go through it now as unpleasant as it may seem, it will only get thicker and harder to get through the longer you put it off.
Feel more; it’s ok. You know one of your favourite sayings about how all shadows die in the light? It’s true. Talk about what you’re going though, how you’re feeling. It lets those who love you know its ok for them to be hurt, sad, scared too and it makes it ok for them to share. You know you want them to share with you. Well, you have to share too; that’s how it works.
You don’t have to always be the brave one. Showing you’re scared is brave too.
It gets better. WAY better. Hang in, love.
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