I’m older than the Ford Mustang.

Of course, it wasn’t presented that way on the radio; rather, the fellow made note of the fact that the iconic car is celebrating its anniversary in April (although not a significant anniversary so why the hostile point-making, I wondered?). I took this personally. This bit of information launched in me a manic bout of curiosity… What am I older than?

Turns out, I’m older than a lot of things.

As time marches on, we as humans watch in real time, our place on the chronological ranking of humanity move farther and farther along. Ever closer to the end spot. Each of us leaves at the time assigned to us by a force greater than us all. But if you, like me, are provided with decades on this earth it’s easy to see the group of people and things younger than you accumulate.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I’m grateful for each and every day provided me. I just think it’s worth a laugh to consider what things I would think have been around longer than me which in fact, have not.

Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.

Mark Twain

So for fun and to give you a leg up on your next game of trivia, here we go…

The easy and most obvious ones are of course, the internet (1983), mobile phones (1973) and The Simpsons (1989). None of those really hurt my feelings although I think it would stun my grandchildren that I am that old. It only makes sense that I’m older than Rubik’s Cube (1974) and mood rings (1975). But I’m starting to feel a little sensitive that I’m also older than the handheld calculator (1967), the ATM (1969) and emails (1965).

Things start getting dicey when I find out I’m older than Jeopardy (1964) and buffalo wings (also 1964). That seems harsh. Also upsetting; being older than Lucky Charms (1964)! Magically delicious my a$$!

I’m older than CDs (1965). How is that possible? Doesn’t science work on these kinds of advancements for years before they become popular? Of course, I got my first CD player in 1988; more than two decades later than their creation… That ruins that idea. Ugh!

I’m even older than a few countries; most notably, I’m one day older than Kenya!

But worst of all, the one that cut me to the quick is… I’m older than the Cosmopolitan (1987). AND Caesars (1969). I can take a lot of insults; I have a thick skin. But to be older than two of my most favourite cocktails ever seems wantonly malicious.

At least I’m younger than AstroTurf (random, I know… 1960), cassette tapes (obsolete, I know… 1962) and the Easy Bake Oven (perfection; don’t say anything against the Easy Bake Oven… 1963).

I may need a valium (also younger than that… HA! 1963).