We are on the brink of another weekend in a world opening back up, where things should feel brighter, lighter. And yet I sit here writing, feeling heavy, anxious.
For reasons that anyone could relate to; insert your own struggle into this narrative. We have all been here, haven’t we?
It’s amazing how the anxiety that resides in my mind manifests itself in such strong physical markers.
It rises from the knot where it began in my stomach and sits on my chest. Its weight shallows my breathing to the point that a deep breath requires focus. It’s heavy. So heavy. My thinking is muddled. Formulating a logical thought is hard enough at times like these, actually writing feels ridiculous. But I’m here trying to write through it.
Because maybe writing in the middle of feeling like this is an opportunity to explore. Maybe it will connect with someone else who is feeling heavy too. Or maybe it’s just a way of getting it out of me.
The sound of the clock, tick tick tick, is my reminder that this will pass. I want to hear nothing else.
My hands sit on the keyboard, waiting for instruction. Something. Anything.
The clock ticks.
I close my eyes, listen to my own breathing and will my lungs to take in a deep breath. Hold it. Tick tick tick. Breathe out. Slowly.
Do it again.
Do it again.
The clock ticks.
Do it again. My shoulders loosen.
Step away and come back. Words aren’t coming but ease is. Keep breathing deeply.
There are days when the best you can do is feel it, get past it and move forward. Today is one of those days.
